In this book of “Happy couple”, I have collected some things which
should be useful to the wedding ceremony and also for the direction of those
people who are interested in this matter. So they can take this information and
contemplate if they are good husbands and wives.
Some of the problems in our present social life come from “Not
being ready” for “couple-life” some couples think that marriage is only for fun
and this attitude eventually turns to be the reason of increasing divorces.
It should be an advice to couples, who are willing to perform and
cultivate ethic principles to create peace for their family and society.
May the
Blessing of Dhamma be with you!
Veerananto Bhikkhu
Dhamma = Buddhist Teaching
May every couple be happy, a wedding day is the day a couple
decides to life and share their live in good and bad times. In order to have
good couple life or being husband and wife, the wife and husband should try to
have proper behavior.
Forever being together must come from 4 Dhamma called
Samajīvidhamma: qualities which make a couple well matched, they are as
following:
1. Samma-saddhā: to be
matched in faith. The Couple should have the same belief or religion and
interest and if this is not so they should try to accept and honor the belief
of the partner.
2. Sama-sīlā: to be matched
in moral conduct. They should be able to practice a social behavior and moral
conduct which is suitable for the social surrounding of the couple.
3. Sama-cāgā:to be matched
in generosity. They should try to be equally generous to each other with
devotion and ready to help others without hesitation or an aversive attitude.
4. Sama-paññā: to be matched
in wisdom. Both should have equivalent intelligence or at least they should be
able to talk together.
When the
couple have all of these “Samajīvidhamma” it will be easy for them to stay
together. They owe kindness, have similar personality and behavior, understand
each other, and are helpful, compatible and patient.
Bhariyā:
Seven types to wives
1. Vadhakā-bhariyā: a wife
like a slayer; destructive wife. The wife who lives with her husband without
goodwill, she always looks down upon her husband and tries to destroy him.
2. Corī-bhariyā: a wife like
a robber; thievish wife. The wife, who acts like a thief, she always burns out
all the existing properties and spends all the earning.
3. Ayyā-bhariyā: a wife like
a mistress; Madam High and Mighty. The wife who is always lazy with the
housework, nasty and has a “big mouth”, she is cruel and she behaves bossy
towards her husband.
4. Mātā- bhariyā: a wife
like a mother; motherly wife. A thoughtful wife who cares of her husband, she
carefully handles all income and spends money reasonable and in accordance with
their social level and she saves for future.
5. Bhaginī-bhariyā: a wife
like a sister; sisterly wife. Being like a sister this wife always respects her
husband; she is gentle and follows her husband in a proper and reasonable way.
6. Sakhī-bhariyā: a wife
like a companion; friendly wife. The wife who is as a friend, she is always
honest to him and makes him happy. She has good manner and character both in
society and in private life.
7. Dāsī-bhariyā: a wife like
a handmaid; slavish wife. The wife who is always under her husband no matter
how bad she is treated by him, she bears all with patience.
The husband should always
remind his wife, to realize what kind of wife she is and a husband should
understand his own personality to see which kind of personality is compatible
with his personality. This task needs moderation because our choices are
usually not made with this consideration.
Sāmī :
Seven types of husbands
1. Vadhakā-sāmī: A husband
like a slayer. The husband who live with his wife in ill will. He always looks
down on his wife and tries to destroy her.
2.
Corī-sāmī: A husband like a thief. The husband who spends all the earnings and
uses up all the properties.
3. Ayyā-sāmī: The husband who is too lazy to work,
rude and nasty to his wife whenever he can and has ill manner.
4. Mātā-sāmī: A husband like
a father. The husband who is always thoughtful and caring to his wife. Whatever
he earns, he usually shares to her and he always puts aside savings for future.
5. Anujā-sāmī: A husband like a brother. The husband
who loves and respects his wife like a sister, he is gentle, respectful and
goes well along with his wife.
6. Sakhī-sāmī: A husband
like a friend. The husband who lives with his wife like a friend with faith and
honesty. He is always happy to meet her and he is polite with good manner and
stays like that in every situation.
7. Dāsā- sāmī: A husband
like a slave. The husband who allows her to be above or dominant, he is patient
without anger.
A husband should know himself.
What kind of husband he is and what should be improved to be the right husband.
Some ancient scholars also
classified four other types of couples as such.
1 .A ghost husband with a
ghost wife.
2. A ghost husband with an
angle wife.
3. An angle husband with a
ghost wife.
4. An angle husband with an
angle wife.
Try to classify yourselves
because there are these types of couples in our present society that sometimes
can cause severe problems. Divorce and even murder can be the result of ill
matched couples.
Gharāvāsa-dhamma
Virtues for a good household life; virtues for lay people
Faithful
couples usually owe goodness and ethic principles which will help them to stay
together for the rest of their lives.
There are
four Gharāvāsa-dhamma which can be practiced by the couple at home to maintain
their happy couple-life. These are the following:
1. Sacca: Truth and honesty. They should be honest and
sincere to each other in thoughts, speech and deeds, in accordance to five
situations.
1). duty
2). work
3). time
4). people
5). goodness
2. Dhamma: taming and training oneself; adjustment;
self-development; mastery;
Training self-control and controlling emotions through calming the
mind. Try to improve yourself and correct bad habits. Try to understand each
other and adjust to each other.
There are 2 ways of calming:
1). Don’t let emotions grow
2). Calm
down emotions which already arose
3. Khanti: tolerance; forbearance; perseverance
Being firm, stable and patient when your mate shows bad emotional
behavior, do not react impulsive when conflicts arise, try to be enduring when
difficulties and hardships arise. Try to be patient when hard work has to be
done, move forward together. Be patient when pain, sorrow or temptations arise.
4. Cāga: liberality; generosity; sacrifice;
Being thoughtful, able to give up personal comfort for the sake of
one’s partner (example when the partner is sick, you should nurse your partner
even if you do not get enough sleep) also being kind and generous, giving in
charity to the relatives and friends of one’s partner.
They are 2 types of Cāga.
1) Material charity
2) Emotional charity
The couple which is sharing this four Gharāvāsa-dhamma and
maintains these four, will be able to stay together in peace, harmony and
happiness. This marriage can be compared to a house which has four posts.
The couple which is sharing
responsibility helps and serves each other in accordance to the following
teachings:
A husband serves his wife by:
In five ways a husband should serve his wife:
1) by honoring her with
her status as his wife.
2) by being courteous to her not disparaging her
3) by being faithful to her; not committing adultery.
4) by handing over authority to her; giving her control of
household concerns.
5) by providing her with ornaments; giving her occasional gifts of
ornaments and clothing .
A wife honors her husbands by:
In five ways a wife, serves and shows her love for her husband:
1) She manages household affairs in a good and correct way
2) She is hospitable and helpful to friends and relations of both
hers and his.
3) She should be faithful to him; not committing adultery.
4) She should take care of the goods he brings home.
5) She should be skilful and industrious in all her duties.
As you see both - wife and husband have the duty to always be
careful and have consideration with the family. If they follow this duties,
there will be a harmonious family live.
A sympathetic woman: There
are a number of conditions peculiar to a woman about which a husband should be
considerate and to which he should respond with care and sympathy. These
problems are the following:
1. She must be parted from
her kin or her family despite her young age to live with her husband’s family:
The husband should treat her with kindness, warmth and make her feel at home.
2. She has
a monthly period; which sometimes causes changes in her physical and mental
states: the husband needs to understand this.
3. She may need special care
and attention, both physical and mental when she is pregnant.
4. When she has to give
birth, which is an extremely painful and even life-threatening time; the
husband should look after his wife as if her suffering were his own.
5. She must
submit to the wants of her husband: the husband should not do just as he
pleases, but appreciate her attention and respond to it thoughtfully.
Gihisukha:Happiness
Gihisukha:
householders’ happiness; deserved bliss of a layperson
1.
Atthisukha: bliss of ownership; happiness resulting from economic
security. Happiness and pride arises if someone contemplates that one spends
the money, which one has earned legally. Money should be spent in the following
way:
1)
to entertain friends
2)
to cure any danger
3)
for social ceremony
4)
for devotion
5)
to make a living, to look after parents, children, wife, husband
and followers.
2.
Bhogasukha: bliss of enjoyment; enjoyment of wealth; happiness arising from
spending money and consuming one’s wealth.
3.
Ananasukha: bliss arising from the knowledge that one is without debt;
4.
Anavajjasukha: bliss of blamelessness; happiness on account of leading a
faultless life.
From all of
this happiness, Anavajjasukha is the worthiest because proper behavior can
bring all happiness. On the other side, ill behavior can spoil the happiness
and it is the cause of going down. So if one is careless and does not cultivate
ethic principles it will cause problems in family and society.
Development
and progress in modern society may cause problems for society and family live,
so one always has to check if these things are in conformity with ethic
principles.
To ensure
the harmony and prosperity of one’s family one should consider the following
four Kula-ciratthiti-dhamma.
Kula-ciratthiti-dhamma:
Causes for
lasting wealth in ones family
1.
Natthagavesanā: seeking for what is lost; when things are lost or used up, he
replenishes them.
2.
Jinnapatisankharanā: repairing what is worn out; when things are old and
damaged, he restores and repairs them.
3.
Parimitapānabhojanā: moderation in spending; he knows moderation in eating and
using.
4.
Adhipaccasīlavantathāpanā: putting in authority a virtuous woman or man; he
places a moral and virtuous woman or man in charge of the household.
One should
understand what the causes for a successful, harmonious family live are. And
one should know that practicing the opposite will cause the ruin of a family.
May all
those who decide to live a couple-live realize what is beneficial and stay away
from all kind of practices which destroy the happiness of their family-live.
Finally may
you life in harmony and happiness for the rest of your lives.
Charoenporn
(Blessing)
In the Dhamma house The Buddhist Saint
will come to birth
In the pleasant house The Brahma
will come to birth
In the innocent house The human
being will come to birth
In the clever house The scholar
will come to birth
In the duty house The hell’s
beast will come to birth
In the gambling house The wicked
man will come to birth
In the confuse house The Ogre
will come to birth
In the gangster’s house The animal
will come to birth
In the drunken house The foolish
man will come to birth
In the mad pill-taking house The
mad man will come to birth
In the beau man house The pig’s
soul will come to birth (Enemies will come)
In the thinner inhale house The
silly man will come to birth
In the Rampage house The
Neurotic man will come to birth
In the scolder, gossip house The dog’s soul will come to birth
(I apologize)
Shell’s holy
water
Blessing
the golden ship of life
Travel as
smooth as thought
Fulfilled
with love, Forgiveness and Understanding
The couple
will be happy forever.
Buddhist
monk sprinkle the shell’s holy water
“Itung
Utagung Viya Songsottha Apechcha Hotha”
That means:
May you
both live together
Like the
river clean and bright
The river
runs without break and apparition
May your
both hearts like the river flow.